As per an American activist, Barbara Bush, “To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.” What makes a family strong and how to create a family bonding? A successful family is built on support and affection that family members provide for one another. However, a solid bond requires that you understand each other, show up for them in need, and spend quality time together.
Knowing and believing that your parents and siblings will always be there for you is what pulls you closer. Family requires continuous nurturing, which can only be accomplished through family bonding. It allows you to understand each other better and increase your mutual well being.
Safeguarding the relationship with relatives is so encouraged that relatives have been mentioned 23 times in the Holy Quran along with some valuable rulings relating to them. "And give to the kindred his due." (17: 26).
During the last 100 years, enormous changes have taken place in our family systems. Changes in the traditional family system, which was once the characteristic feature of our society, are steadily on the wane from the urban scene. In rural areas, it is surviving in its nominal form as a kinship group only. Now the nuclear family has become a characteristic feature of our society.
Families face challenges from time to time
All families face challenges from time to time. Some common challenges families face in addition to managing chronic pain include things like moving house, separation or divorce, parenting issues, pressure at work or school, unemployment and financial problems, illness or disability of a family member, death of a family member, drug, alcohol, gambling addiction, and domestic violence. Changes in the family system have given rise to various new problems and intensified some of the old ones.
While talking to a girl who is suffering from MDE (major depressive episode), I asked her the reason. Her answer was, "Family." The circumstances in her family lead her to depression. The lack of love between her parents, parental disputes and lack of understanding which she was yearning from her parents.
The biggest thing that the youth wants from the family is emotional support in today’s era. The lack of emotional support from family triggers the youth to take steps against themselves or against society, given drug addiction and domestic violence are matters of concern in which our youth is fully immersed.
The dreadful circumstance is that we are tending to a society full of deterioration, and this deterioration of our society is directly proportional to the conditions within the family. The youth watching their family in chaos get depressed mentally and that leads to fearful conditions for society.
Peace is the thing which our families have left behind. Peace is the thing that clutches every person within the bonds of truthfulness. It controls the bonds within the family and prevents our surroundings from degenerating. But we have lost this divine gift within our families from time to time. Nowadays, the thing that has stayed in our families is chaos among the family members and that is tending our society to a great breakdown.
State has been sensitive to problems of families
The state has always been sensitive to the problems of families. It is apparent from a variety of legislations enacted, amended and implemented by the Government of India as well as State Government as and when necessitated. In particular Government of India has taken several useful legislative measures relating to widow remarriage, women's right to property, the practice of child marriage, child labour, succession, adoption and maintenance, dowry, family court, dissolution of marriage affecting different communities, and most recently domestic violence, which have impacted our family system in more ways than one.
Again if we see keenly, our religion Islam has defined each and everything. "And worship God and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk." (4:36) Again in this verse, parents and relatives are mentioned right after Allah mentions Himself. Also, connecting with relatives despite negative behaviour toward you is the Islamic philosophy of turning the other cheek.
The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, "Do not ever sever your relationship with a member of your family even if he severs his relationship with you." Islam views that keeping relations with family members prolongs one's life and increases one's sustenance.
"He who wishes that his sustenance be increased for him and his death day be delayed, then he should pay attention to his kinsfolk," The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said.
According to Dr T K Munshi, whether you have connected your family members by blood, official documents or love alone, they can enhance your life and health in immeasurable ways. The depths of those bonds can shape us to strength.
Practice little tasks to enhance ties
Strengthen ties: Maintaining bonds with your loved ones improves your well-being and theirs, says the therapist, Trevor Crow, author of Forging Healthy Connections: How do relationships fight illness, ageing and depression?
Respond to cues: Interacting as much as we can, will help our loved ones to know how much we value them.
Talk out a conflict: Being able to work through problems is one of the most important skills of any strong long-term relationship, says Karen Forsthoff, a family therapist in San Francisco.
Set a time to talk: This helps our body cope with stress and tension.
Pace yourself: Acknowledging the other person’s feelings can be soothing.
Allow space: Look for opportunities to engage with your loved ones with care and curiosity.
Consider old hurts: Childhood resentments often get replayed and more ingrained through the years, says Ann Steiner, a psychotherapist in San Francisco. Brainstorm healthy ways to react to those resentments you’re holding on to.
Plan activities: Sharing a fun or meaningful activity can build bonds and help you avoid controversial topics, says Steiner.
Come with your best self: 'Try to go into the event feeling strong, centred and rested,’ says Steiner. Being tired makes it more difficult to handle stress and tension effectively.
Acts of gratitude: Cicero the philosopher-statesman called gratitude ‘the greatest virtue’, for fostering patience, generosity, wisdom, and humility. Researchers call gratitude a social glue that bonds us in friendship and appreciation. Research shows gratitude positively shifts mindsets and moods, prevents burnout, and boosts self-esteem.
In nutshell, there are as many ways to practice gratitude as there are grateful people. And beyond these scientific references we see in religion, maintaining family ties is an obligation in the Islamic faith. This is having good relations with one's relatives, loving, respecting and helping them.
This post first appeared on
The Kashmir Pulse
